Getting back.

I came to wonder why I wanted to start bolgging in the first place?I thought it would be a good way to get all of the stuff I have in my head and I thought I would have some good things to share.I am alone with a baby from 6am to sometimes 9:30 at night.That doesn't leave a whole lot of adult conversation and there are things I want to talk about.Lately with duncan not sleeping all night I have been too tired to even think.I guess it's just I feel better if I write things down and get them out and maybe give someone some inspiration one day with something I have written.I know I have been inspired and it would be nice if I would inspire one day. I know I am not a very good writer and I was horrible in english.So I guess that holds me back from writing as well and I'm scared that people will read this and say,ugh..doesn't she know what to do with a comma! No I really don't..well,not all the time,I just stick them in where it sounds good.
The only time I have to write is when duncan is sleeping.I sit down and start to type about what I want to say and then that feeling comes up..guilt.I feel like I should be doing something and not sitting on my butt.So I stop and head outside to get something done or go to the kitchen to start something or clean up. I actually started the first paragraph of this about 3 weeks ago (I think) so I have been wondering if it's even worth me sitting down and trying to write.Does anyone actually care what I have to say,or what I did yesterday or that I weeded the garden this morning? Or am I just wasting my time,I don't know.I am here all day with a quiet phone,no one calls except for mom.The real people in my life don't call and chat or really want to hear what my views are on things so why should I write to total strangers?? I don't know,maybe it just helps me clear the air in my head and if that's all it does,well I guess that's ok.
I don't mean to sound so blue,but I am lonely most of the time and the depressing thoughts seem to consume me all too often.I have to keep my head up and realize that this must happen to most stay at home moms.I have a habit of getting into a bad mood rut and with the sleep deprivation and the crankiness of a toddler it seems to get the best of me some days.Plus I have to remember that when I'm at home boo-hooing about nobody calling and caring I have to slap myself(theoretically)and say..every ones at work dummy! I tend to forget about that for some reason.
Anyway,so for the 2 people who follow me..I guess you're still around because you must want to hear about what I have to say,and I thank you and I promise I will try to make future posts more interesting and not be so hard on myself.I know I like to read about what other people are doing and making so I guess it's ok to continue write about me,and to the one person who no longer follows me..I completely understand why you left.