It's not a house it's a home.

(a freshly painted roof,last summers project)

My house is a home.My house used to be just a house.I got up,went to work came home,went to sleep,got up went to work again.It was a place for shelter a place to eat that's it.Sure we were happy to have a house and everything was fine...I thought.Now I see it's a home.I feel it's warmth long before I reach it's driveway.As I round the bend on top of the ridge past the old church,it starts to feel like home.Not that minute before the church,but just as I pass the turn I get a sense of calmness..I'm almost home.This is where I make breakfast,lunch, and dinner.Where I have made sure it's always tidy and picked up.Where I watch my son play and explore and giggle in the grass.I bath him,cuddle him and here on the couch is where I nursed him.The floor in the living room is where I finally broke down and cried days after trying to be strong after my miscarriage.
It's not the grandest by any means..we do need to add on but it's fine for now.I don't care if the decor is a mismush of collected things that really don't match.There is love, laughter, and sadness.Silliness,seriousness,and thoughtfulness.The smell of baby powder,laundry soap,and dogs.Chicken roasting in the oven,apple pie,fresh bread, cream and vanilla simmering away in a pot to become ice cream soon.The smell of fresh cut grass,dirty fingernails from pulling weeds and working in the garden.Muddy dog prints across the ivory carpet and smelly diapers in the trash.A broken cabinet door barely hanging on by the top hinge..be careful not to bump it or it will fall.Tupperware falling on you head and a can of beans falling on you toe.Cleaning up garbage off the deck every morning for a week straight because a raccoon got into it that night before.Beers on the deck and a nice fire,ducks quacking as they waddle by,and naked babies wearing spider man sunglasses.This is my house...this is my home.

Getting back.

I came to wonder why I wanted to start bolgging in the first place?I thought it would be a good way to get all of the stuff I have in my head and I thought I would have some good things to share.I am alone with a baby from 6am to sometimes 9:30 at night.That doesn't leave a whole lot of adult conversation and there are things I want to talk about.Lately with duncan not sleeping all night I have been too tired to even think.I guess it's just I feel better if I write things down and get them out and maybe give someone some inspiration one day with something I have written.I know I have been inspired and it would be nice if I would inspire one day. I know I am not a very good writer and I was horrible in english.So I guess that holds me back from writing as well and I'm scared that people will read this and say,ugh..doesn't she know what to do with a comma! No I really don't..well,not all the time,I just stick them in where it sounds good.
The only time I have to write is when duncan is sleeping.I sit down and start to type about what I want to say and then that feeling comes up..guilt.I feel like I should be doing something and not sitting on my butt.So I stop and head outside to get something done or go to the kitchen to start something or clean up. I actually started the first paragraph of this about 3 weeks ago (I think) so I have been wondering if it's even worth me sitting down and trying to write.Does anyone actually care what I have to say,or what I did yesterday or that I weeded the garden this morning? Or am I just wasting my time,I don't know.I am here all day with a quiet phone,no one calls except for mom.The real people in my life don't call and chat or really want to hear what my views are on things so why should I write to total strangers?? I don't know,maybe it just helps me clear the air in my head and if that's all it does,well I guess that's ok.
I don't mean to sound so blue,but I am lonely most of the time and the depressing thoughts seem to consume me all too often.I have to keep my head up and realize that this must happen to most stay at home moms.I have a habit of getting into a bad mood rut and with the sleep deprivation and the crankiness of a toddler it seems to get the best of me some days.Plus I have to remember that when I'm at home boo-hooing about nobody calling and caring I have to slap myself(theoretically)and say..every ones at work dummy! I tend to forget about that for some reason.
Anyway,so for the 2 people who follow me..I guess you're still around because you must want to hear about what I have to say,and I thank you and I promise I will try to make future posts more interesting and not be so hard on myself.I know I like to read about what other people are doing and making so I guess it's ok to continue write about me,and to the one person who no longer follows me..I completely understand why you left.

Proud of me.

I haven't been writing much on the account we have been so busy and I had to have a root canal done (not fun).I was just sitting here a thinking about what to write,pretty much lost as to where to start.So as I sit here smelling the roasted chicken I just took out of the oven that's cooling down so I can pick it apart for future meals and then plop it in to a pot so I can make stock from it.It's the best way to use up all of what that bird has to offer you,and it's way better than any canned or boxed stock any day.I start to think how happy I'm here and who I'm becoming.I have finally figured out how to make a good loaf of bread and now I make 2 every monday.I no longer buy store bread, not even hamburger or hot dog buns because I can make them myself.I never knew how to hand sew properly so this weekend I learned how to do a blind stitch and fixed a couple holes that were in our fitted bed sheet that the washer must have done to it somehow.The old me would have said,oh well need to buy a new one,but not this new me I fixed it and I'm proud of myself.Mom bought me a sewing machine 2 years ago and I never used it because I didn't know how to thread it.So I took it in to moms and she showed me how to thread it and some basic how to's.My sewing isn't that great but I am learning.I can make pillows which is a good start and I made two last weekend.I had some fabric I picked up about 3 years ago so I'm happy I finally was able to use it.I have ben working on a yoyo quilt for about..I'm embarrassed to say,maybe 4-5 years.I was so pumped when I started but after having to make all those little yoyo's I tend to lose interest.

(Pretty sad huh)I'll get around to it one day.But as I was saying I'm really proud of myself,learning ways to better feed my family and learning new skills that we should all know anyway but modern day has made it too easy to rely on someone else and that really takes money from our pockets.I'm proud that I am taking my life back.We planted a garden and that's great now we are going to have our own little store..hehe.I can't wait to go pick my own juicy tomato!!! From homemade cleaners to one day homemade soap,canning and preserving,cooking from scratch,making bread and pastry's,washing cloth diapers and feeding my baby whole foods yummy veggies, fruits, pasta and grains! Hanging out the wash and watching the bed sheets blow in the breeze knowing how good it's going to feel when we finally get to lay down on them at night.Learning skills like using the weed wacker and knowing what to do if the mower stops working.Learning how to garden and how to plant things and how to maintain and keep them safe and growing well.Being a mom and learning how to be a better one every day.That's what Iam most proud of...the way I am raising my little boy I think I'm doing a fantastic job it's hard and trying sometimes but I love it! I'm so proud of me and who I have become and where I am headed it can only get better from here.

you got your ferric orthophosphate in my mypyridoxine hydrochloride.

Yea..that's what I said..I love ovaltine,but this morning I was reading the label and got the idea for this post. I know it has vitamins and minerals in it but really it doesn't grown on a tree,come from the ground or have a mother.I cut out processed foods except for the occasional mac n cheese or ramen noodle soup.I have a lot of cancer and weight issues in my family and a long time ago I got into reading about all the chemicals they put in our food and how some chemicals have been banned from food in other parts of the world,and I wonder why we still have these in ours.I love to cook and with that I learned to cook from scratch.I used to just think it was fun and I liked making people happy with my food,I still do but now it's more than that.I have a baby and I want to be around for a long time.That means no more junk,which I haven't bought in a long time.There is no reason to buy spaghetti sauce,make it yourself.There won't be any preservatives in it or weird ingredients,,just tomatoes,olive oil and seasonings.This is just me I like to know what goes in my food and my babies food.Bread has preservatives and sometimes bleach! Yep that's how they get that white bread white and regular pasta is also bleached.So making your own pasta is flour,salt,egg,and water..no toilet cleaners here.I learned to make my own bread which makes me feel accomplished and proud and confident knowing were not eating poison.
Even when I was working and coming home at 6 o'clock at night I still managed to get a made from scratch meal in.People would say I'm crazy and there is no way I should put myself through that stress.Stress? What are they talking about..I like to do this,this makes me happy and I know how to do it so it isn't stressful.I have a friend who can't and will not make homemade mashed potatoes,instead she makes them from a box...full of crap and salt and waste of money.They came over for dinner one night and I made meatloaf and mashed potatoes and what ever side.Her husband actually said to me "you make homemade mashed potatoes"..uh yea I said how else would you,and that's when I learned about the fake freezed dried add water potatoes he eats...sad.Any way I think I am rambling..

All I'm saying is that we have control over what we eat.I don't want to pay more for convenience and added thiamine hydrochloride.I want to save money and give my family a safe healthy meal and teach my son that vegetables come from the earth not in cans and meat is from animals, not just sitting neatly on a shelf.I want him to work in the garden and eat from it and appreciate good food and start him on a healthy path for life.I want to feel a sense of pride in myself that I don't need to rely on others and that I can make things myself.Like some lady on tv said this morning "if it wasn't in a jar on my grandmothers counter I don't want it on mine.

Frugality...

I don't like to buy things I don't need when I can find uses for things we already have,I drive my husband crazy with all the pickle jars I have stashed away.I like using glass,it seals well,you can see what's in it and how much you got and you can use it over and over.I have tried to use plastic butter and yogurt containers,but the lids always seem to crack and split on me after awhile and I don't think they keeps things fresh as long as glass does.I buy rice and pasta in bulk so putting things in jars helps me keep things organised and it keeps the critters out..if there are any lurking about.Plus jars give me a warm and fuzzy feeling for some reason.I think it makes me remember my grandmother with all the jars she used to keep stuff in,like her thread for sewing and jars full of buttons.I used to love to dump out some of the buttons and look through all the old colors and designs.I have a jar of her thread here that I was going to use for some sewing,but I haven't found anything to use it for yet.

Grandmas Thread.



I have found that whiskey bottles make for good storage too.I always buy rice in bulk and I always have bottles around,like I said I can't throw them out.The baby like orzo pasta so the other day I decided to put some of that in a cleaned out bottle.Even though orzo comes in a little box I still want all my pasta and dry goods in one place so I can easily see what I'm running low on,I just peek in the pantry and look.

I also hate buying paper towels.The cheap ones are horrible and you end up using half a roll just to clean up a little spill.I'm not banishing them from the house or anything I just want to cut down on the amount I use.So I made some rags yesterday out of some old clothes,an old sweatshirt and long sleeve cotton sweater and pair of corduroy pants.I want to see if the pants will make a good dust rag.I don't know what else to use it for and if you know me I didn't want to throw it out.I just love rags you just throw them in the washer and use them again...how great is that!

Maybe I'll use some of grandmas thread to make a nice rag bag to hold my kitchen rags in and make one for the bathroom rags as well.Yes,that sounds like a good idea,finally a use for my thread..joy!!!

Well this is a short post today since today is grocery day.The day where my frugality skills really come in to play.It takes me forever to shop because I'm always on the lookout for better deals and constantly reading and deciding on buy one get one or 2 for $5:00 and seeing if it's actually a deal.Then driving between giant eagle, sam's club and aldis I'm friggin pooped at the end of the day.Thank god all these stores and in a nice little triangle real close together or it wouldn't be worth driving to all three.So I'm off to have a cup of tea on the front porch to sit in my 1950's glider which I adore.I love being frugal,instead of buying a new glider I just asked my mom who got this glider for free if I could have it and thank goodness she gave it to me..I love it! I'm not cheap I just like to find uses for things.She wasn't using it and I knew it was taking up space so why not ask for it,sure beats spending a couple hundred bucks we don't need to be spending anyway.Plus I love old furniture and things so anytime I can get my hands on it and it's on good condition I'll take it.Well have a wonderful weekend and I'll see you next week,take care.

Madison on my glider.

Simple things..simple living...

I have moments where I'm overwhelmed with peaceful feelings,happiness.Usually this is after I did the dishes and put them away then wiped the counter down and straightened things up a bit.I look around and see everything nice and tidy then I light a scented candle.If the blinds are closed I open them up or open the front door and let the morning sun shine in.



These are simple things that make me happy.A clean shiny tub and bathroom sink.A made bed and a swept floor an open window letting the breeze in and the smell of fresh air.When the weather is warm enough I open the sliding glass door that's in the kitchen that leads you out onto the deck.I love having this door open all day, the breeze blows in and it's nice to not feel cooped up.Even when it's raining I like to have it open it just makes me feel good.See it's simple things that matter.

When I was pregnant we were not sure about me staying home with the baby.Gordon,my husband,wanted me to stay but I wasn't as convinced.What would I do all day I said.I'll have every room painted three times by winter I said. I can't just sit and not do something,I'll go mad!

Then I'll never forget the night I was getting out of the shower he came up and told me that he didn't want me working and that basically was that.I said I'm not the stay at home kind,I need to work.I'm so used to being busy and running around how am I going to cope with not being busy like that any more.Then he said I think you will be alot happier if you were home.That word sang over and over in my head as he walked down the stairs...happier...Would I be happier I thought, sitting on the edge of the tub.I wouldn't come home complaining and I wouldn't come home with migraines cause I was so pissed that day from all the crap I had to deal with.People yelling at me and making me feel like a two year old.Customers being complete asses and no matter how well you treat them they still crap all over you.Deadlines and progress reports,financial statements and dealing with overhead and inventory costs and weekly meetings and going to school in different states for a week...on and on and on....

I then thought how would it be at home.I would wake up and get the baby from the crib.Go down stairs and feed him,lay him on the floor while he slept and watch some tv.Baby wakes up I feed him again,do some cuddling,then he falls asleep in my arms,I reach for the remote and watch tv.I do some cleaning,get the crockpot ready for dinner later.Grab the baby and a blanket and head out and sit in the shade under the trees and play and take pictures.Then when he gets bigger we can go to the park or go fishing or to the mall or whatever.He was right,staying home has got to be better than being at work,cause when I'm at work all I can think about is being home.



Being home has made me slow way down and thank goodness.All I cared about was making money and having money to buy things,things that just sat around and didn't do any good.I didn't see that there was happiness to be felt and little moments to be enjoyed.I came home and everyday and night it was the same thing and I hated it,but I just thought that,that was how life was for me.I had my moments of calm on the weekends but that's no way to live life a few minutes of happiness on the weekends and that's it...come on!

So now it's making the bed in the morning then opening the blinds and looking out the window to see how the day is.Then grabbing that sweet baby of mine and heading down stairs to feed him and play.Filling up my tea kettle and waiting for it's whistle,having a cup of tea on the front porch while sitting on the glider,making a batch of cookies or some muffins as the baby sleeps or making some rags for cleaning.Just little things that make me so happy now is the best medicine I could ever get.Who knew that just sitting on the couch with the widows open and the breeze coming in while I get comfy for a nap could fill me with such calm and peace.

I'm glad that I decided to have this life.It's not easy at times,pinching pennies for food and bills and having to go without.But I learned life isn't about "things" it's about moments and doing things that you learned to do like baking bread,cooking from scratch or putting in a garden so we could save money on groceries and learning how to sew so I can make my own pillows and blankets.Learning the basics of life that we have forgot how to do because we have other people doing it for us.That's what simple living is to me,learning to live again on my terms not someone else's and learning how to live a more down to earth and closer to the earth easy going way.Learning skills for basic day to day living and being able to count on myself if things get really hard.Yep, I have to say that I'm pretty darn happy.

Tea for me..ya right!

t I realized this morning that,I should probably be waking up at six in the morning.Why you ask?Well, just so I can get in a cup of tea and maybe some cleaning or cooking.The baby wakes up around 7:30 or 8,and it's all about him.I need a cup of tea in the morning just to get me motivated and wake up.As I was taking this picture this morning I had a crying baby trying to crawl up my leg.All because I put him down because the kettle was whistling and I wanted to get a tea bag in my cup of water for crying out loud!
I came back in and calmed him down and played while my tea steeped,then god forbid I left to make my cup.As he crawled in trying to once again crawl up my leg.I made my cup,took him by the hand and we walked into the living room.We walked to the door because I wanted to open it up to get some light in and wake up the house.As I tried to take my first sip,I was almost depantsed at the front door as the baby tried once again to climb my leg.I put my cup down,picked up the baby and walked away as my hot tea steamed away all by it's self.
So,mabey tomorrow I'll try to get up early and see if I can get in some tea,a little me time, and get a few things done.That way I'll have the time I need to take full care of the baby.